Well I have been telling people I will start this, but I never seem to get round to it (this saying always reminds me of a plate - called a round tuit)
I have started this so many time but then I put stuff down and delete it, cos I think who wants to know that!!!
I have been sat this morning looking at flights for next year but then I keep thinking don't book anything till after my op next Monday the 29th, I am more nervous about this one than 2 weeks ago maybe cos it was cancelled on the 15th at the last min.
I am having a hysterectomy and have known since last Chirstmas that I was going to have one it was just a case of timing, they wanted me to have it done in April but as I had booked holidays for a month in July there was no way I was spoiling my trip to Florida. I also wanted it done at my local hospital, so I had to get my conultant to agree to another one then i had a meeting with her in June to see if she would agree and then it was a case of trying to get a date, she books all her own ops and she was on holiday after me for a month.
I wasn't in the right state of mind then anyway, is now?? well it will be a year in November that my darling Mum died and although the time has passed there isn't a day goes by that I don't miss her. After Mum died I was in a bad place for a long while but I think I am turning the corner now, Adam misses my Mum a lot and is dreading me having this op, he seems so young and yet so old, we never hid the fact that Mum had cancer but I suppose like the rest of us he never thought she would go, he saw a lot of her living so close and for that I will always be grateful that he had that time with her, Mum was the only grandparent he has ever had. I think that was the hardest, the fact that we knew but as she seemed to be coping we thought it would never come, naive of us, I suppose looking back now I knew she was getting weaker but didn't want it to happen, I always used to think which was worst - going suddenly like my Dad did or knowing that someone you love is dying, I know now that neither is, they are both as bad, I suppose in all this we are selfish and don't want to loose people we love, it must have been so hard for Mum, I know she had had enough, but didn't want to leave us, but God knows when its time to move on, and thats what I keep telling Adam - we all have our time. Bob was a great strength and still is and I know he finds this difficult, but dosen't show it cos he knows what a softie I am
